Friday 15 July 2016

PART SIXTEEN: PRACTICAL KITCHEN JOKES AND FUNNY STORIES

When Chefs play practical jokes to apprentices

Chefs have a great sense of humour. I found that to be the case. When I went for my first work experiences, knowing next to nothing about cooking in a commerical kitchen, the Chefs got me a few times with some practical jokes. 

Chopping white flour: During one of my first work experiences, one of the Chefs got some white flour, a chopping board and a large vegetable knife and placed it on a working bench. He called me over and explained to me that I had to chop some flour. The flour was not fine enough and he needed to get the flour super fine for a bread dough. He explained to me how much flour to place on the chopping board and how to hold the large vegetable knife while I chop the flour. As you may know, white flour is so fine, any chopping would make no difference. But I did not even think this far and I would not challenge any Chef on a job I had to do. I was listening to the Chef explaining to me how to do that job.  I started to chop that white flour for about 10 minutes. The Chef came by to see how I go, took a bit of flour into his hand to check how much finer the flour was and told me to keep chopping. Ten more minutes later he came back, tested the flour and then he stated that the flour was fine enough. Now I had to chop 20 kilograms more. I could not believe it as my arm started to give me some pain. The look on my face made all the Chefs lough so loud. I realized then, the Chefs played a practical joke on me. 

Peeling green peas:  I was in a very fine restaurant for a work exerience. A small team of Chefs in the kitchen. On my second day, the Sous Chef had a job for me. He ask me to get a large tin of green peas, open the tin and bring the peas in the tin to him. He also ask me to get two stainless steel bowls. The Sous Chef ask me to start peeling every pea and place the peeled peas into one bowl and the skins into the other bowl. I ask him why I had to peel the peas. He explained to me that the peas where used to make a pea mousse for a special dish. In order to make that mousse, the skins had to be removed to ensure that the mousse was very smooth. A small paring knife I could use if I wanted. I started to peel the first few peas with the paring knife. It took me for ever to peel just 10 peas when I realized that there was an easier way to do this job. I took a single pea, applied gentle pressure and the skin would slide off the pea. It took me about an half hour to get half the tin of peas peeled when the Head Chef turned up. He came up to me and ask what I was doing. I explained to him that I was peeling green peas from the tin for a pea mousse. He bursted out in loughter. The Chefs started to lough as well. The Head Chef explained to me that they play that practical joke on all work experiences. He was impressed with my work and told me that nobody before me could peel as many peas. 

 The Lobster Gun

I started my apprenticeship with two other Chef apprentices. Their names where Chris and John. (not their real names). One day, our Executive Chef came into the kitchen with a large foam box of live lobsters. None of us apprentices would possibly know how to prepare and cook live lobsters. He called us over to the seafood section to show us the lobsters. Our hotel was very closed to the Zurich International airport. The lobsters where cought just a few hours ago in France and flown directly to Zurich and delivered to us. In the foam box was ice and the lobsters on top. The lobster sissors where kept closed with a rubber band. A lobster can cut off a finger with one snap of the sissors.
We where amazed to see real lobsters in front of us and to our amazement we where surprised how big they are. Our Executive Chef had also a very good sense of humour. He ask John to go to the General Managers Office and ask Mister Saddok, our General manager back then, to get the permission to go and collect a lobster gun from the maintenance department. We did not know that this was a joke. The Chefs working in the Main kitchen at that time did not react to the Executive Chef request and played along with the lobster gun story.  
In the meantime John ended up at the General Managers (GM) office and the GM did allow John to go to the maintenance department to collect the lobster gun. The GM knew that this was a joke and played along. John did eventually turn up in the Kitchen again and came back to us. The Executive Chef ask him where the lobster gun was. John replied that the maintenance department told him that the lobster gun was not working and they where trying to fix it. As soonest poor John reported back to the Executive Chef, all the Chefs started to lough. None of us apprentices knew that there was not such a thing as a lobster gun. He then explained to us how lobsters where cooked. We all went over to the Hot Section and the Chef in charge had a huge pot ready with boiling water. 
Now, as cruel it sounds, lobsters are cooked alive. To make sure the lobsters don't suffer, you drop them head first into the boiling water. That kills them instantly. Once the shell turns red, they are removed from the boiling water and placed in ice water to cool them down immediately. 
Back in the 1970s and 80s it was also a common practice to cut live lobsters in half, from head to tail. That method was used for a different way to prepare and cook lobsters. When I was told to cut lobsters in half, I blundly refused. I got yelled at by the Chef but I would refuse to cut a animal in half while still alive for the reason of cruelty. I was not popular that day but I could not care less. 
I was never ask again to do this job and it was not a requirement at the exams at the end of the apprenticeship. 

Have a sense of humor

When you start your apprenticeship as a Chef, you need to have a sense of humor, a thick skin and remember not to take everything personal. When a Chef critisize the work you do, take it on the chin, say ¨Yes Chef!¨ and do it better. A joke is not against you personally and it is the same thing when you crack a joke at someone else. Be funny but not personal. Develop a good sense of humor, lough a lot and always be respectful to others. 

Next week I talk about common kitchen accidents and how to avoid them. A common sense approach to Occupational Health and Safety in a commercial kitchen. From clothing, shoes and tools to operating appliances. 
Until then, keep smiling, lough a lot and enjoy life and good food. Have a grat week.



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